What The Heck Is A Samaritan, Let Alone A "Good Samaritan"?

What the heck is a Samaritan, let alone a "Good Samaritan"?  We hear the term used frequently when discussing the Good Samaritan laws that protect first aiders who have stopped to provide care for a fellow human being in need, but many people don't know where the term came from or what it actually means.  Grab yourself a warm beverage and prop up your feet for a history lesson, because when you know the context of the Good Samaritan story not only will your eyes be opened to the depth of the concept, but you will also have learned the trick, the foundational principle, that will help you to meet the requirements of the local Good Samaritan laws, no matter where in the world you travel.

The story of the Good Samaritan is recorded in the bible (the book of Luke, chapter 10, verses 25-37) and was told by Jesus.  When Jesus walked from town to town he was followed incessantly by large crowds of people.  These crowds were generally made up of two groups of people.  The first group was made up of people who wanted to know Jesus, spend time with him, be near him, learn from him, be healed by him, and have their children blessed by him.  The second group was made of up of individuals known as pharasees, saducees, and teachers of the law.  These indivdiduals followed Jesus primarily to look for opportunities to humilliate him in public and make him look stupid or show he was a fake.  The people who were following Jesus had once gone to the pharisees, saducees and teachers of the law for insight and now they were following Jesus.  The religious leaders of the community weren't happy because they'd lost their posse of adoring fans and wanted them back!  So they would pick at Jesus, asking him questions to try and expose a weakness that would make the people abandon him.

One day while Jesus was speaking to the crowd an expert in the religious laws and traditions asked Jesus, "What must I do to inherit eternal life?"  Jesus asked him how he understood the scriptures, or in other words, what is your understanding of what God has to say on the matter?  The expert replied, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind, and love your neighbor as yourself".  Jesus replied, "Do this and you will live."

You can just imagine all the other pharisees, sadducees and teachers of the law slowly turning their heads in this gentleman's direction with their mouths hanging open looking at him like he was an idiot.  Dude.  That was your question?  The reason it would have been so strange for him to ask that is because as an expert in the law, someone who had the religious texts memorized, he should have known that one!  The text says that the expert in the law felt the need to justify himself and so he shot out another question, "Who is my neighbor?"  Instead of pointing to someone in the crowd and saying, "They are your neighbor," Jesus instead told a story, and the story was this.

One day a man was traveling from Jerusalem to Jericho when he was attacked and beaten by robbers.  Stripped of his clothing and dying, he was helpless.

In the distance a priest could be seen walking towards him.  People at that time wore clothing that reflected their profession and the priest would likely have been wearing clothing that identified him as a priest from quite a distance.  If anyone would stop to help an injured man it would be a priest, right?  But the priest not only walked by, he crossed to the other side of the road to get away from the injured man and continued on his way.

The second person to come walking down the road was a Levite.  The nation of Israel was broken down in to multiple tribes, and the tribe of Levi was designated as the priestly tribe who directly ministered before God.  If anyone would stop to help an injured man it would be a Levite, right?  But the Levite not only walked by, he crossed to the other side of the road to get away from the injured man and continued on his way.

The third person to come walking down the road was a Samaritan.  And at this point the crowd listening to Jesus would have suddenly perked up like a pack of gophers.  A Samaritan?  Plot twist!  Where is this going?  The reason for the intrigue was because the Jews and the Samaritans had critical differences in their faith beliefs.  When the Israelites were defeated in battle and many taken during the Babylonian exile, the Samaritans were made up of the Israelites who had stayed in the Land of Israel and who believed they had held to the true faith, as opposed to the Jews who returned later from exile and whose faith, they claimed, had been altered.  As a result there was great tension between the two groups.  Hatred ran deep and went back for generations.  At the time this story was being told there was actually a saying, "You don't even want to spit on a Samaritan, because you don't even want that much of you touching them!

The dying man lying on the ground seeing a Samaritan walking towards him would have had every reason to believe that the Samaritan might even kick him on the way by.  But that is not what happened.  The Samaritan stopped.  Not only did he stop, but he provided first aid care and then loaded the injured man on to his donkey, giving up his ride and walking the man to town on foot.  Not only did he bring him to a nearby town, but he brought him to an inn.

The historical significance of this act lies in the etiquette laws of that time.  If you were a traveler looking for lodging you would sit in the town's courtyard, and anyone passing by who had a spare room would be required by etiquette to offer it to you.  The Samaritan would have known that and could have dumped the injured man in the courtyard so that his own people could deal with him.  But that's not what he did.  He took the injured man to an inn where he knew he would receive immediate attention.  And he wasn't finished.

After providing further care for the injured man, the Samaritan needed to continue on his journey, but before leaving he approached the innkeeper, giving him money and requesting that he continue to care for the injured man until he returned, at which time he would pay for any additional expenses incurred.

At this point the crowd listening to Jesus would likely have been sitting in absolute silence as they processed the story that Jesus has just shared.  When questioned about what it meant to love your neighbor as yourself, Jesus had answered the question, "who is my neighbor," by telling a story where one of their most hated enemies had taken good care of one of their own people when he was at his weakest.  Processing.  Processing.  Processing.

When our forefathers were creating laws to govern our countries, many leaders looked to the story of the Good Samaritan for inspiration, hoping that their citizens would have the same heart, looking at what made each other the same rather than what them different, stopping to help a fellow human being in need instead of seeing an enemy and passing them by.

And in the end that is what the Good Samaritan laws come down to, however they are worded in the various countries, provinces and states where they are applied.  Love your neighbor as yourself.  Provide the care that you hope would be provided for you if you were in the same position.  And if you fulfill this act of love towards your neighbor you will have made things better.  However the story turns out, if the person survives or passes away, you know you made it better because you stopped and you did something to care for them the same way you would hope to be cared for yourself.

The great thing is that loving your neighbor also helps to keep you from doing silly things that would cause more harm because if you asked yourself, "Would I want someone to stab me in the throat with a pen to try doing an emergency tracheotomy?" the answer is probably no, and so you don't do it to the other person because you'd be rather unhappy if someone did it to you.  Remembering to love your neighbor as yourself helps you to achieve positive and constructive action and stops you from taking destructive action.  It's simple and powerful and helps us to make sure that no one is left alone in a time of need.

How can you follow the example of the Good Samaritan?  How can you love your neighbor as yourself today?  And do you have an enemy who could benefit from being treated the way that you would hope to be treated yourself?  Go do it.  And watch amazing things happen.

5 Indicators That You Are Causing Social Destruction

Short of dropping a nuclear bomb on your social circle and simply obliterating it, the second most destructive thing that you can do to the people around you and to yourself is to gossip.

And while we all like to think that gossiping is someone else's problem, chances are you are just as guilty.  Why?  Because, as a biblical proverb notes, "The words of a gossip are like choice morsels; they go down to the inmost parts."  Hearing hints of gossip is like having somebody dangle your favorite food in front of you when you're hungry and want satisfaction.  Anyone who has ever been on a diet and seen their favorite food staring at them from the fridge or from a storefront window knows the powerful gravitational pull that gossip has.

Think about it.  You're hanging out with a group of friends when you hear behind you, "whisper whisper Steve whisper whisper whisper."  Some part of you wonders, what about Steve?  What are they talking about?  What's going on with him?  Some part of you wants to turn around and ask for the details. 

Or you're sitting in your workplace cubicle when you hear, "whisper whisper getting fired whisper whisper whisper."  Some part of you wants to know who is getting fired.  And why?  What happened?  Some part of you wants to listen in closer or join the conversation to learn more.

Here are some early warning flags that may be showing up regarding your gossip tendencies.  Did you just have any of the following thoughts:

"Well of course I would ask what's going on.  I just want to know that the person is okay."

"Well it's not like I would tell other people what I heard."

Or, "I would just want to make sure that they're not saying anything bad about that person."

If the answer is yes to any of the above then the chances of you being a destructive force in your social surroundings is significantly higher and, even worse, you've got a sugar-coating of icing sitting on top.

Let's look at the dirt so we can deal with it.  How do you know if you are engaging in gossip and therefor acting as a source of social destruction?  Here are 5 factors to assess:

1) Are you personally involved in the story you are telling?  Do you appear in it at all?  If you are not a character in this play, this plot is likely not yours to be sharing with others.

2)  Have you been specifically asked to not repeat the information by the person who told you?  If you are asked to keep information private and you share it with someone else, even someone who you know would never tell anyone else, you have crossed a line.

3)  By telling this story will you uphold the reputation of the people involved or will you negatively impact it?  Pay close attention to this one because now it's becoming a legal matter.  If what you say causes a chain reaction that ruins someone's reputation you are at risk of being sued for slander.

4)  If you are in conflict with someone, have you talked to them about the problem first?  If you are 'just blowing off some steam' or 'just need to talk about something' and it's because you have a problem with someone else, does the other person even know?  Have you given them a chance to fix the problem or did you start by telling other people what they did to screw up?

5)  Are you listening to someone else who is gossiping without asking them to stop?  If you do not shut gossip down before the juicy details start spilling out you are actively a part of the problem because you are encouraging the other person, showing them that what they are doing is okay and that you are open to hearing the destructive information they are passing around.

When people gossip facts get twisted, details get blown out of proportion, emotions swell, more people get involved, and you get left with a problem that is infinitely more difficult to navigate when it could have had a much simpler solution.  Stop making your problems worse.  Stop making other people's problems worse! 

If you hear the hints of gossip, gather your self-control and march right past that tasty morsel or turn your music up and drown it out.  If someone approaches you with a tasty treat of news about Karin in the accounting department, let the person gossiping know that you're not really interested in hearing about other people, but you'd love to know what they have been up to recently.  And if you know something about someone else, respect that person enough to know it's their story to share as they see fit, not yours.

Be intentional about cutting gossip out of your life and you'll see the difference.  People will know they can trust you with their stories when they need to talk.  Your relationships will improve as people grow more confident that if you have a problem with them you'll talk to them first.  Your workplace will likely trust you with more confidential information which can mean pay raises and promotions.  Your significant other will grow closer to you when they know you're not sharing embarrassing details about them with your friends.  In our Conflict Resolution training participants make connections all the time where they can see how removing gossip could improve multiple situations they are trying to navigate.  There is no area of your life that doesn't have the ability to improve if you cut gossip out of your life.  You will gain so much more than you are giving up.  Try it!

What are your thoughts?

Do you think gossip is destructive or is that too strong of a word?

Are there any other clues that could help you catch yourself and identify if you are gossiping?

Share your thoughts and comments!

How To Support A Teen Or Young Adult Through An Unexpected Pregnancy

Discovering that you are going to have a baby requires some processing no matter what the circumstances, but when a teen or young adult discovers they are going to be a parent when they had no intention of having a child at this time or with this partner, some additional support is needed.  Here are some key points to remember as you walk with someone going through this particular life challenge.

1)  When a teen or young adult tells you they are going to have a baby, please do everything in your power to make sure the first word that crosses your lips is, “Congratulations.”  Babies are sometimes a surprise, unexpected, or unplanned, but they are never a mistake.  A human being is incapable of being, in and of themselves, a mistake.  The creation of a new human being will always be something worth celebrating and the mom or dad-to-be desperately needs to hear that positive reinforcement.  Think about the traditional things said in response to an announced unexpected pregnancy:  “What?  Oh my God, really?  With that guy/girl?  What are you going to do?”, or, “Oh no.  Are you sure?  What are you going to do? “  While you might think you’re being sympathetic you are in fact dishing out crushing amounts of discouragement.  As the parents work to answer the question, what am I going to do, they need to know that there is something good in the midst of this difficult circumstance.  A life being created is good.  Capital G ‘Good’ in fact.  Please reflect on this idea now so that when somebody shares the unexpected you are mentally prepared and that much more likely to speak words of encouragement rather than discouragement.

2)  Remove the word ‘should’ from your vocabulary.  You should do this and you should do that are not allowed in your interactions with the new parent.  Quit it.  As the parents, the genetic founders of this child’s DNA and new team tied together as family by blood, they will need to make decisions and preparations for how they move forward.  Your job is to support the process even if you are not in full support of each individual decision made along the way.  Supporting the process does not mean that you can’t share insight, concerns, resources, disagreement, etc.  But it does mean that you have zero permission to make decisions on another person's behalf.  If you have control issues, start focusing on getting help for yourself before you focus on how to fix somebody else’s life.  You will cause more damage than anything else if you march in to somebody’s pregnancy thinking you know best.  You will be particularly susceptible to trying to control things if you are the parent or close family of the new parent.  Keep yourself in check and make sure you are using phrases such as, “have you considered…”, “did you know about…”, and “what questions do you have right now”, as opposed to,  “you should…”, “what you need to do is…” or “you’re going to have to…”.  Give the parents hope by sharing useful information, as well as helping them know their options and the resources available to them.  Help them explore the long-term implications of the choices they are considering.  Support them by helping them understand the paths they have open to them.  Do not ever choose the path for them.

3)  Support healthy relationships between the parents.  Communication, conflict resolution, problem-solving and other relationship skills are critical in the successful navigating of an unexpected pregnancy and in parenting.  When these skills suffer, stress levels skyrocket and drama rules the day.  To remove potential for drama, high stress, and the physical and emotional ills that result the parents will need to focus on growing in these areas and will need support from their friends and family along the way.  If you do not excel in these areas, keep your advice to yourself and focus on your own personal growth until you can be of better assistance and provide support through other means such as driving parents to appointments, cooking meals, or just being a listening ear.  Encouraging a confused and distraught parent to run with their emotions and tell their partner off, demand things, yell at them, refuse to talk to them, hit them, call them names, etc is never acceptable.  If the relationship is not healthy or is going through a difficult time support the couple in developing clear communication, addressing issues rather than name-calling, setting healthy boundaries, communicating needs and expectations, and other skills that will set them up for long-term success.  Whether you like the partner or not is not the question.  A baby has brought the parents together as a team and whether they choose to stay together or not they will need to figure out how to work together to raise a healthy child and stay healthy themselves.

4)  If the couple experiences a miscarriage, still-birth, or shares that they chose to have an abortion, please make sure the first words that cross your lips are, “I’m sorry for your loss”.  Think about some of the traditional responses to an unexpected pregnancy that has terminated: “Well, now you can get back to your life the way it was supposed to be”, “Thank God you don’t have to have a baby with that guy/girl”, or “Wow, you’re lucky.  You must be so happy.”  The person speaking thinks they are being sympathetic and encouraging when they have in fact verbally placed the teen or young adult in emotional bondage.  While there may be some sense of relief depending on the circumstances, no matter what you have to remember that for a time, however short, the teen or young adult was a Mom, or a Dad.  They have just lost a child and whatever other emotions need to be processed, I guarantee you that part of them will need to mourn that loss.  Please acknowledge to them that it is okay, healthy and normal for them to feel sad, depressed, confused, empty or any other number of emotions associated with loss.  Most teens and young adults who lose a child feel this way, but don’t share their feelings with people because they’ve been told so many times, “you should be happy” that they feel there is something wrong with them and they hide the fact that they’re breaking inside.  Don’t put people in emotional bondage by telling them this is a good thing that happened to them.  Treat the event with the same dignity, respect, and empathy given at the death of any child.  This opens doors to true healing and moving forward.

5)  Prepare unexpected parents with the knowledge that they may not instantly feel connected to or fall in love with their baby.  So many mothers in particular are told only the magical stories of love at first sight, and aren’t told that the majority of new moms look at the little blue alien that popped out of their body thinking, ‘are you sure that’s mine?’  Just like meeting somebody new at school or at work, you have to meet your baby!  You don’t know their personality and they don’t know you!  Prepare new parents for the fact that it will likely take a few weeks, sometimes a few months, before you will feel connected and bonded with your baby.  This is a particularly important fact to share if one parent sincerely dislikes the other parent.  It is difficult to look at a child that is genetically half you and half someone you hate right now.  Let new parents know that their child will have their own personality and regardless of who the mother/father is, investing in getting to know that child right from the beginning will pay off.  New fathers in particular struggle with bonding because they get easily discouraged with a crying baby that seems to hate them, but instantly stops crying for mom.  Mom simply has the unfair advantage of having a heartbeat that the baby recognizes, and a face they recognize from breastfeeding.  Their eyesight is limited to a short distance, the distance from the breast to the face in fact!  Baby does not like or hate mom any more than they like or hate dad.  Both parents have to get to know their baby.  With this simple knowledge new parents can feel a lot less stress when their new baby arrives in the world which will set them up for navigating all the other challenges of parenting with much more energy and confidence.

Strong teams and healthy communities are always needed during pregnancies and in raising a child, but particularly when the pregnancy was unexpected.  The support they provide is critical to both the physical and emotional well-being of everyone involved.  And remember that time will pass.  New families can find their groove.  They can be healthy and strong even if they had an unexpected or rough start.  Be honest with yourself, take some time to self-reflect, and be sure that you are a constructive part of an unexpected parent’s support network and not another source of stress.  Be a part of seeing a new family experience success.

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